God Is Delighted With You

I experience scrupulosity. Scrupulosity is a form of OCD. Scrupulosity is sometimes called the "doubting disease." Catholics who experience scrupulosity have an unhealthy fear of displeasing God. They worry too much that they are not doing the right thing or doing what God wants. For Catholics, there are two degrees of gravity when it comes to sin: mortal and venial.

Venial sins are the not-so-serious sins. They strain your relationship with God, but they don't sever it.

Mortal sins are serious and they do sever your relationship with God. Why do I bring this up?

Because Catholics with scrupulous consciences often think they've committed a mortal sin when they've only committed a venial sin. And they also tend to think they've committed a venial sin when there was no sin at all. Scrupulous Catholics experience intrusive thoughts and think they've sinned. Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts. Thoughts are only sinful when they are entertained. There is no actual intentional sin when it comes to intrusive thoughts.

When I think I've committed a sin (especially a mortal one), I engage in anxious ruminations. This means I get to a state where I'm anxiously racking my brain to check and see if I actually did commit one. And I anxiously rack my brain over and over and over again. I get stuck in that state and it's very hard to get out of such a state.

In OCD, the thought that I've committed a sin is called an obsession. The checking procedure (the anxious ruminations) is called a compulsion.

Fortunately, Catholic moral theology is a bit nuanced. I often have some doubt when I experience an obsession over sinning. If you experience doubt that you sinned, you probably didn't sin. Scrupulous Catholics are advised to only confess mortal sins when they are pretty sure that they committed one.

Furthermore, in order to commit a mortal sin, three conditions must be met together:

Grave matter: the sin has to be serious. Examples of sins with serious matter: idolatry, blasphemy, homosexual acts, adultery, rape, and murder.

Full knowledge: you know full well that it's wrong and why it's wrong.

Full consent of the will: you freely commit the sin anyway. In other words, you cannot accidentally commit a mortal sin.

If just one of these three conditions are not met, you have not committed a mortal sin.

Furthermore, Catholic moral theology has what's called "diminished capacity."

There are circumstances which can impair or even diminish full consent and free will. Duress, mental illness, and force of acquired habit can impair free will and eliminate full consent.

For example, a man in his 30s or 40s who has been watching porn compulsively as a coping mechanism for his anxiety disorder since he was 9 is not likely risking eternal damnation every time he watches porn out of habit and compulsion. Even though he's committing a serious sin and is trying to get rid of that habit, he does not have sufficient freedom/free will for that sin to fall into the category of mortal sin.

As another example, someone who commits murder because someone else held them at gunpoint hasn't likely been cut off from God and isn't risking eternal damnation because the person committed murder under duress.

And for my third and final example, a schizophrenic person who commits murder during an episode of psychosis is not likely risking eternal damnation because there was no free will.

In other words, scrupulous Christians are anxious people through no fault or choice of their own. And God knows this. Scrupulosity sucks. It drives me nuts.

Often, pointing a Christian with a scrupulous conscience towards the Bible will only make things worse instead of reassuring them. Scrupulosity is not a spiritual issue. It is a mental health issue that uses the language of religion to describe feelings caused by anxiety disorder. It is not about sin, it's about fear and anxiety.

It is better for scrupulous Christians to read material on scrupulosity, OCD, and anxiety disorders than to read spiritual material. Christians who experience scrupulosity may also need counseling and therapy.

But I am not saying that you shouldn't read the Bible. On the contrary, please do read the Bible.

But please understand that over-spiritualizing scrupulosity is a dead end.

However, that does not mean I don't have some advice for my fellow scrupulous Christians. I do have advice.

My advice is this: stop seeking God's will above God Himself. When I spend time with God in silent prayer, I tell God, "I don't want to know what You want from me until You want me to know," instead of asking, "What do You want me to do?" every single day.

I make an effort to spend time with Him and remember that if I seek Him first, everything else will fall into place. I know God is delighted with me. I know God is delighted with my efforts. As long as you're seeking Him, God is pleased and delighted with your efforts.

I also know that I am a Princess because God is the Heavenly King and he is my Heavenly Father. I try to wear my crown proudly.

If you are a scrupulous Christian, you are not alone. You are a Prince or Princess because God, our Heavenly Father, is the Heavenly King of Kings. Wear your crown proudly. And most importantly, remember that God is delighted with you.

May God bless you and keep you always.