A Refresher On How To Be Assertive But Respectful For My Fellow Theists

Some of the atheists I've interacted with have accused theists of being passive-aggressive. And sometimes, those accusations do carry weight. So I'd like to remind you that assertiveness, not passive-aggressiveness, is the best course of action.

Here are some tips on how to be assertive:

-Use "I" statements as much as you can. 

I cannot stress this enough. Begining your statements with "you" is only going to put the other person in defense mode. 

-Acknowledge the other person's feelings/position before expressing your feelings/position/need.

 Try using assertive but respectful statements like these:

"My policy is__________"

"I know you_______, but I simply can't tolerate it right now. If you don't____, I'm going to____."

Now, I can see how this one may seem immature and threatening, but let me assure you it's not. I've used statements like this to set boundaries and the consequences if those boundaries are not respected. 

"I see you________ I hear you saying______________ However, I disagree with you, and here's why."

"While I understand_____, I_____________"

-Avoid taking things personally. Since being assertive can be touchy, sometimes you'll do everything right and still end up rubbing someone the wrong way. Learn how to brush off comments that don't matter.  

This has happened to me. One time, I  posted a comment. In that comment, I made an effort to be as assertive but respectful as possible. I did all the right things. I used "I" statements. I expressed that I understood and acknowledged other points of view before I expressed my own. 

My comment still rubbed an atheist the wrong way and the atheist replied with a sarcastic and condescending comment. It was very hurtful, but I brushed it off.